A letter for Daniel Callahan. It is hand-written and the penmanship is quite impressive. Very much a work of art in itself. Although the packaging is ordinary and innocuous. The envelope is unsealed.
My dear child
Inclosed is not what I am. It is however what I should believe. Alas I do and I do not. It is not the path I walked and probably one I will never be able to return to. Our soul is strangely malleable but its’ control and grasp on what lies within is brittle and always fragile. Last night I saw with my own eyes how the beast has a hold on you. You have to ride it or lash it into submission. There is no middle ground. If we try to change we run the risk of losing ourselves or perishing entirely. Furthermore – no one changes significantly on their own retaining their existence in this world. You are extremely fortunate to have someone caring for you – if that is the case. In my experience you only encounter such willingness when a mutual gain is somehow implied.
It is hard for me – seeing you again. Especially considering where you are right now. I have been there and it is truly the hardest part of changing. It cannot be accurately put into words. Least to say – it is so bad that I dare not go back there. I dare not change again and it is driving me mad. It is ironic that I know a truth I cannot embrace and you do not know the truth but are so desperate to embrace. Knowledge is unhealthy for our kind if we cannot act on it.
You are on the edge of the abyss. You are hanging on to what you are by a mere thread. Now – the big question, do you want to change? Because if you do; then you have to let go of that thread. By doing so you will not lose yourself but you as you were and are now – will become a memory; a fading one at that. It will be terribly hard to hang on to. If you do not want that; then you have to reel in that thread again. But be careful it does not snap when you least expect it.
Now, while I am still lucid. I should warn you. Do not seek me out. Unless you possess means to make the appropriate amends. Your insolence ended up costing both of us greatly. You have been terribly inconvenient. I am still puzzled over myself bothering with you in your wretched and pathetic state. Rise now or you might as well go embrace the sun and get it over with while you still have some semblance of control.